Schmaybe?

I graduate in 5 months. I know, i have time... but fancy me for just a moment.
So i graduate May 23rd. Friends are getting married shortly thereafter... so im around until then. But then what?
Needless to say, I'm already looking at things to do... the options are seriously limitless! Exciting in one sense, in that there are so many options to choose from and so many things that i would LOVE to do. Scary in another sense, in that here are so many options to choose from and so many things that i would LOVE to do. How do i choose?!?
So... as of now, i really want to travel and write. It's a pretty new passion, as it seems to be changing by the week, but how amazing would that be! I've found a few awesome opportunities, blogs and online magazines looking for freelance writers and paid "bloggers". But i found the internship of a life time... check this out. A 3 month all expenses paid, world traveling internship... where i would document and report on my travels through blogs/print/photography and video feeds!! How amazing is that! Friends. Friends... it's the perfect internship. Writing experience. FREE travel. And a summer of a life time...
ahh... sometimes i think i'm too ambitious! But hey... only one life right!! Why not go big or go home... i mean home would be nice too! : )

http://www.worldtravelerintern.com/index.php

$13,000 given to the needy

An anonymous donor known as the Eldorado Elf continued a holiday tradition by handing out $10 bills to people at the Midnight Mission in Los Angeles. Each member in a family of seven got $10, including an infant in a stroller. The shelter estimates that $13,000 was distributed to the homeless and poor on skid row.
December 23, 2008

So amazing, yea?!? No commentary needed for this one...

Say

Take all of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all your so called problems
Better put 'em in quotations

Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say...

Walking like a one man army
Fighting with the shadows in your head
Living out the same old moment
Knowing you'd be better off instead

If you could only
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say...

Have no fear
For giving in
Have no fear
For giving over
You better know that in the end
It's better to say too much
Then never to say what you need to say again

Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open... wide...

Say what you need to say
Say what you need to
Say what you need to
Say what you need to say...

So tonight i was looking on Facebook...

Not the best way to start off a blog right... i practically shot my credibility in the foot. Yea, Facebook is the greatest source of inspiration... but tonight i think it worked.
So some of you might have heard, today we voted for a new president. You know, of the United States. Pretty big deal... particularly this term considering the state of our country.
Well some others of you might have heard that Obama won. Sorry if that took some of you by surprise. So here's the deal. I understand that some people felt strongly for or against a particular person, that's understandable. What i don't really understand is what i am seeing on facebook.
No, and it's not the free Ben & Jerry's ice cream advertisement for voting. But rather, the nasty, hot-tempered, demeaning "status updates" people are writing. I mean your status update basically unfolds the deep of your heart... (please!!)in a catchy, somewhat ambigious, clever one liner, but really, people?? Really? Here are some of the posts i saw tonight...

"cool guys, gay marriage and abortion. i'm moving to africa."

"is sad that obama is going to be our next president. I truly beleive those who voted for him will soon be regretting their decision."

"welcome to Amerika: the land of murdered babies, gay marriage, government-run health-not-care, redistribution of wealth, and a terrorist president."

YIE!! I am a little confused where people are getting this. If we trust that the Lord appoints all leadership, and gives authority to the rulers over us... then we should trust, even if we don't understand, that God is still in control. And more importantly, what is the witness are we giving to the unbelieving world, WHO ARE WATCHING US, when our "statuses" are so demeaning and disrespectful. People already think Christians are crazy... do you honestly think that you're discriminating "status update" is 1) going to change anything 2) going to change someone's heart 3) make people desire to hear you out? No it will only: 1) make you look like ignorant 2) tick people off 3) it will turn the very people who you need to reach with the good news of Jesus Christ and HIS kingdom against you and everything the church stands for.
Weigh the outcomes people. It may just be a "status change" but people are watching...
people are watching.

So much to write about....

so little time to write.
but... soon, i promose. : )

The Perfect Gift

For those of you who read my blog... im not sure that there are many of you.
But if you're ever needing to get me a present and are at a loss as to what to get... i've found the perfect one. Ha. That's pretty funny.
But for those of you who know me... you know that i enjoy the edge pieces of things... and even better i will often enjoy something more when it is stale, than when it is fresh. Let me explain. Marshmallows, fresh from a newly opened bag= SICK. But, if you were to leave the bag open for a few weeks and let them get a little crunchy... they're wonderful. I don't think i could constitute this as stale, but the following has the same effect. I'll put anything in the fridge or freezer... like cranberries from Trader Joes... stick those bad boys in the fridge and they're amazing. Or those coconut Girl Scout cookies... stick those guys in the freezer... i'm speechless. BUT... the greatest thing in the world is a stale brownie... and not just any piece of brownie... but only the corner pieces. So when i make brownies, i usually eat one right away, because enjoying one hot is pretty satifsying. BUT, the real fun comes when i leave the pan uncovered for a few days and they get stale... OH MAN! Dunk those guys in some really cold non-fat milk or coffee... and heaven again. But my question to you is... if there are only 4 corner pieces... what do i do with all the rest? Throw the rest away of course.
Just kidding... my roomie is a perfect compliment for me.. she likes the doughy middle and i like the edge... PERFECT.

But that's besides the point... what if i want all corner pieces? Here is the solution.

Holy moly. It's brilliant!
That's all.

"Bop-It"

So you know that annoying game called "Bop-It" where you hold this colorful contraption that yells at you to "hit-it", "twist- it", "pull- it", "flick it"... well i hate that game. Yet it fits perfectly as an analogy for where my life is right now.
Like im being man-handled and things keep coming up... pressing my buttons and watching me squirm. I sound very negative when i write this... but some of this unwanted "squirming" is good... helpful for my spiritual growth... but i don't always enjoy it. I'm just in a place where i feel like my time and energy are being demanded from all directions in my life: family, friends, school, job, relationships with people i haven't seen all summer, settling into a brand new year, anticipating what lies ahead, living in the now and keeping my head in the game, desiring to pursue the Lord with abandon, and still keep up with my school reading and times to simply be with people, enjoy coffee and laugh. I'm being pulled and flicked and bopped... and im doing all i can to simply keep up with it all and not explode on anyone.
And to further the tension, in the midst of all of this... im am soaking in the Love of God and experience the joy of his fellowship like i haven't in a while. WHAT? I don't get it. Wholestic development is taxing.

Kingdom Living

I'm recognizing that a life lived in light of the Kingdom of God is the only way to abundant life-- the life God created us for.
I don't ever want my life to be about anything other than proclaiming the goodness of God and the person and work of Christ. I desire deeply that people would look at my life and see Christ. That they would see his redemptive work and transforming power in my life-- the dying of my old self and the renewed mind toward that of Jesus Christ.
I get discouraged and frustrated to hear of friends who find life with Christ merely an association to him, and not a radical, intimate communion with Him. He created us to be entirely engaged with his work, with the expansion of his reign and rule here on earth... that his kingdom would come to earth as it is in heaven. I want to be apart of that. I want the people i love to be apart of that. To live in community and relationship that would propel each other toward the cross of Christ and the movement of His kingdom to the ends of the earth. I have found joy and purpose. Life Abundant. And i found it in the center of this call on my life and in community with people who desire the same. I'm not settling for anything less.
"But one thing i do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." Phil. 3:12-14
As i follow hard after Christ... i'm asking people to follow likewise.

Summer Reading

This summer i've read more books, that i've actaully wanted to read, and have therefore enjoyed, than ive been able to in a really long time! They have really contributed to the work Christ has done in my life this summer... and since transformation is crucial, i thought i'd pass along the titles.
Don't Waste Your Life, John Piper-- it's an easy read, yet deeply challenging. Not to live for what the world esteems as important... but that the Cross of Christ would direct our steps and to live for the supreme glory of God is what we were created to do.
Prayer, Philip Yancy-- this book is a humble and straightforward attempt to understand and reveal the truths about prayer and the prayer life of a follower.
Strong Women, Soft Heart, Paula Rineheart-- this book hit me right between the eyes. It's a convicting and deeply compassionate look into the heart of a women... the hurts we've experienced and how often we let those hinder the joy created us for, and damper our ability to love others as Christ has loved.
Walking With Christ, John Eldrege a intimate look at the life of a man and his attempt to practice the presence of God over the course of a year. The prayers, thoughts, convictions, and life stories of how God is intimately involved in our daily lives and how he desires only joy for us. That requires wholeness, in HIm, and holiness in our ways before him.

I recommend all of these to you... they are amazing!!

When A Cow Wakes You Up

So every July ranchers bring their cattle up to the National forest... i guess to let them eat and get all fat before sausage season. So we knew they were coming... and i was prepared. They told me that hundreds and hundreds of cows would be traveling the road... but i didn't think it would be as entertaining as it actually was!!
On wednesday... the day before i knew they were coming... my family and i were driving out of the valley... only to come across them already on the move.


So... they only got a little bit up the road that day! Good thing...
But... thursday morning... July 10th was the day everyone prepared me for. We had set up fences and everything...
So my family left around 7am... and i went back to sleep. At about 9 i woke up to a harmonious mooing from my window. Yup. the cows were here. I jumped out of bed to make sure the fence was closed... too late. They had already broken through our makeshift fence... and we now grazing our pond, and everywhere else. There were a lot. Hundreds. Quiet the scene!!
So i shooed off a few to find that they are easily scared : ). Anyway... i chased off probably like 50-60 cows yesterday. In my basketball shorts and my rainbows... not to cowgirl... but that's alright! It was funny. Here's the video i made... right after i woke up. Hence the low manly voice! : )

The McGee Ranch

This weekend some girls and i went into town to stay at the McGee ranch... you know to get away from our ranch for a while!! We had a great time... just getting out in town, eating and shopping... it was really nice! We got to the McGee Ranch... and it was AMAZING!! I will have pictures for you soon...
So we got to go horse back riding at sunset... it was my first time! It was amazing... after an awkward mounting... i was off! Not as hard as i thought it would be! We then got to go ATVing... which was amazing as well! I was joking around that it was my dream date... but with 3 sistas and a grandma!! But still wonderful nonetheless! We stayed up talking to this wonderful couple... everything from horse racing, to their love story... while eating ice cream! Mr. McGee used to be a pro football player and coached college football for a while... but now own a horse ranch and races horses!! It was such a restful nite! I loved it! The room i was staying in looked out over the ranch and the rocky mountains... it was breathtaking!! That sunday morning we got up early to go horse back riding before church... it was great!! Except for losing my camera! :( I got going in a pretty fast trot... and it fell out somewhere! So we looked for it for a while but had to go eat and get ready for church... so we just prayed that we would find it!
AND THEY DID!! Mrs. McGee and the McGee kids went out to walk around and pray for it... and they did! Hidden in the tall grass... undamaged and everything!! SO WONDERFUL!
So... when i get it back... i will have pictures for you! It was a great weekend!!

I almost died today...

This morning Mary, Jessie and I went on a hike on the Alpine Trail. Since Jessie and I have been learning how to drive stick... Todd let us take the camp truck up there!! It was my first time driving stick... up a mountain road. A little nerve wrecking... but we made it. It was such a perfect day to hike!
So... the trail was pretty intense. The first time we hiked it we only made it maybe 1/3 of the way up... and the next 2/3 were pretty steep and rocky. We were panting pretty hard... but we heard the view from the top is extraordinary, so we were set on making it to the top! So we did... and as we were reaching the top, we noticed a smaller, offshoot trail to some rock formations. We decided to check them out! WOW!! The view was extraordinary!

So... these rock formations... Jessie started to climb over to them... and thought that we could probably work our way around them... and if we could... the view from the other side would probably be pretty amazing. So she started over. And made it... and i could just watch her... so i followed suit.

What i have to mention is that the rock was really gravelly. It was really loose... so we were slipping around a lot. So.. i was taking it slow and i made it over to her. Then... i wanted to move over to where she was sitting... around the corner of that ledge... so i put one foot on a "steady rock" and then grabbed a rock with my hand to pull myself up and around. Well... both of these thought to be steady rocks crumbled in my hand as i pulled myself up... and both gave way. I the guess natural tendency for such things is to throw your body in the opposite direction... so that's what happened. And i landed... somewhat planted on steady rock. I laughed pretty hard... and Jessie thought i almost died. Well... i kind of almost did. The drop below where we were climbing was steep... but i guess a tree might have caught me! haha!
So as we were sitting up there... and after my heart stopped pounding and my hands stopped shaking... i looked over at Jessie and was like " I think my Mom just might kill me if she knew where i was right now! "
haha...



It was a good morning!!

The Voice of God

Hearing, and recognizing the voice of God is hard for me. I am not good at being quiet, and therefore my life, more often than not, is filled with noise. People, computers, music, running, busyness, studying... you name it. You can ask the people closest to me... i hate to be still. Even when i was young i would wake up early, get all ready and just wait for something to do. This "noise" has muffled the voice of God in my life.
So here i am in Colorado. 13 miles off the highway on a dirt road... nestled in a valley surrounded by mountain peaks. It's very quiet up here. So quiet that the deer don't even run away when i run past them on the road!! But, surprisingly, I'm enjoying it!! I knew i needed it... and now I'm soaking it all in. It amazing how once you remove the noise, intentionally, how quickly you begin to hear the Lord.
So the Lord is speaking. In powerful ways, showing me the things that he desires for me. One nite as i was praying, he gave me a vision. The vision was me standing in the midst of all the people i love the most. All of my relationships. And he started to pull me away from them. To where i was standing as if in space, looking down at a world, filled with all the people i loved. And he asked me, "Sarah, would you still worship me if i took all of those relationships, all of those people, away from you? Would i still be enough for you?" WOW! Here i was praying for people, that they would find intimacy with the Lord, and he goes on to ask me to give them up. WHAT? I laid there... scared. I heard the voice of the Lord clearly. But how would i answer that question? With all of my heart i desire to be able to say, hands down, that i would give them all up for the Lord... but it would be so hard. Some of them easier than others, but my family for instance, i don't know, in the depth of my heart, what i would do if he asked me to give them up. So i asked him "Lord, but why?" And he was gentle to say, "Sarah, i am not asking you to give them up, but i am asking you to love and cherish me, alone, enough that all of those people could be taken away from you and you would still worship and adore me."
The Lord is speaking to me... clearly, about specific things. He is preparing me for his work. And that includes showing me, gently, that he desires that i come to the place where i would drop my net, leave my dead to bury the dead, and follow hard after him. That i would count it all a loss to follow and know him. It's a hard calling, but i desire to be used for kingdom purposes... and that means dying to myself that Christ might live in me, completely.

The Importance of a Godly Man

So most of you know that i am working at a family camp this summer. And we just finished our first week long Family Camp. It was wonderful. We felt the Spirit of God present, and God showed up in powerful, powerful ways.
We had seven families come up this week. 14 adults and 30ish kids. Several of the dads we're pretty new believers. Several couples were struggling... a lot. Close to divorce and on the edge of giving up. Some burdened by the pains of the world so much, they came simply seeking to get away from life for a week... so we prayed. We prayed that God would show up and transform these marriages and families. That the love we have for Christ, and as a community of believers, would rub off on the families, to serve and love and encourage them. As the week went on, i could see a change. As they opened up to each other, they began to spend more time with each other. Eating together, hiking together, sitting together, hours on end, in the lodge talking about things that matter! It was extraordinary. God was on the move.
Friday nite is our long nite. Couples are encouraged to share what the Lord has done over the week; in their lives personally, in their marriage, and in their families. I wasn't present in the session but what i heard was radical. God showed up in these marriages. And this is what i saw.
God created the man to lead, to be the head of the family. Not just to lead, but to be the head of his family as Christ is the head of the Church. He was created to be passionate about the glory of Christ, to love and know his word, and to dedicate his life to further the kingdom of God. What i saw this week, and I'm sure will continue to be impressed upon me this summer, is that the husband was created to lead his family. Though it sounds simple, and redundant... i saw the transformation and power of a man working it our practically in his family. As couples were sharing what the Lord had done this week, i realized that the movement of God in the life of the man toward Christlikeness, leads it's family toward true life in Christ. One man confessed his dark sin from years ago and repented. Acknowledging that his sin had damaged his marriage and his family, he begged his fellow believers to hold him accountable to his desire to move his family into the center of the will of God. Freedom came to him. Unity to the marriage and purpose for his family. God broke his bonds of complacency and hardness to sin. One man finally felt the call of God to his family to missions, a promise that his wife had clung to for years. The Lord removed the shingles from his eyes, softened his heart to the AIDS problem in Africa, and he heeded the call of God to mission for his life, and the life of his family. The obedience of the husband encouraged the heart of his wife and moved his family forward into the will of God.
A Godly man, as head of a family, and to lead his wife, is crucial.
In a marriage. A wife desires him for direction. For unity of purpose. She needs him for protection. That he would love his bride as Christ has loved, and continues to love HIs. Such a marriage is radical to the world, and its love is contagious.
In the family. A family needs the dad for direction. For unity of purpose and focus of direction. He points them either towards Christ or distracts them from Him. The power of a family, to do the will of God, starts with the calling of God on the man to lead his family toward Christlikeness and servitude.
I have seen a picture of how a Godly man effects the life of a family. It starts with his personal relationship with Christ. Trickles down into the passion and unity in a marriage. Then trickles down into the family. Loving their kids, pointing them toward Christ. That the family unit would be able to be used by God to further his kingdom. That the kingdom of God would advance because the world would see a radical difference in how the family loves. How each member loves Christ, how the couple loves and sacrifices for each other, how the couple loves their family, and then how the family, as a whole, love others. That Christ would be glorified and his kingdom come.

I'm not married. As most of you know. haha... hope that didn't shock anyone! : )
But, I am dedicated to living my life for the kingdom purposes of God. To adore Christ and magnify him to my world. Nothing less than that. I don't particularly need a man to do that. But, if and when God brings me to the place of marriage, to uniting myself to another person, i want him to have that same focus. And nothing less. I have seen the power that comes when a man is following hard after Christ, who desires to love his wife and lead his family in that same goal. I think that is what God created the family to be.
No wonder it works so stinkin' well!

A Week Without Campers

This week there wasn't camp. I had monday and tuesday off... but the rest of the week we did a bunch of stuff around the camp. Ill just break it down by the days!
Monday: We went to Ouray... read the blog before this one for the dl on it!
Tuesday: We went out to SilverJack Reservoir. It was sooo pretty... we drove out there with Todd and Nicolette (the youth guy and his wife) and Todd showed us all the trail heads for the hikes we want to go on!! We hiked down to the bottom of the reservoir... and on the way down we kind of decided to hike a fourteener this summer! So we're going to train, basically go on some harder hikes... so get ready for the fourteener!! it should be AMAZING! (a fourteener is a mountain over 14,000 ft.)
Wednesday: Must have not been that exciting... i don't remember!
Thursday: IT SNOWED!!! yup... it actually snowed! it was amazing. It was like 40 degrees outside and i was manning the trash fire... it didn't last very long! : )
Friday: that's today. Let's see... we all helped Todd and Nicolette move back into their house. Then i cleaned out the craft and sports cabin. The sports cabin was filled with spiders and their nasty webs... SICK... but now it's clean and organized!! I also learned that in the winter the lake freezes over and they play hockey on it... that's pretty sweet!
Welp... right now im blogging, doing some laundry, and watching this movie called Hoodwinked... with my sistas! Not that you care what im doing right now... but just in case!
Tomorrow is our day off... i need some rest!
Anyway, more to come later! : ) Maybe something more thought provoking! haha

Ouray

Today was our day off and we went into Ouray... it's a little town about an hour and a half away. The drive into the valley was wonderful... we listened to some bluegrass tunes! Particularly fitting that we were driving through the backwoods! : ) I really wish i could explain how pretty it is... but i just don't know where to start. You'll just have to trust me that it really was amazing!!


Well we got into town and drove up a little to the trailhead for the waterfall. It was soo beautiful! I wasn't exactly dressed to hike... i was sportin' my rainbows... but i had to do it. So we hiked up a little... almost right under the waterfall. I don't think i've ever seen a waterfall that close before. It rocked! We hung out there for a while... and then went back into town. This super cute little tourist town... basically a "pass through" town. There were some sweet shops... we got some ice cream and walked around. It was a great day!! I think we'll go back to hike up to the other waterfall in that area... which is bigger and requires a little more hiking. Next time i won't wear my rainbows! California girl still getting use to wearing shoes. I'm getting better though! : ) Good day!!

Life in the Woods

So i've had my first encounters with life in the woods.
Note to self... scented lotion= bad idea. Bad idea= mosquito bites. Mosquito bites= itchy nogoodness. Since i spend most of my day outside trekkin' in the woods with the kids... i've gotten several bites. I HATE MOSQUITO BITES! They must like my California sweetness or something! : ) haha
We also found bear scat right outside of our lodge. And some boys said they saw one on the trail... so... we have bears. AWESOME possum! Actually awesome bear... but that doesn't rhyme.
I also went running the other morning and ran up on some sleeping deer, who, startled by my noise, hurried across the road like 15 feet in front of me! CRAZY!
Lastly a short story for my frequent readers.
Last night was campfire nite. After star gazing and putting out the fire my fellow interns and i headed to our cabin to sleep. So Jessie, who sleeps next to me, Mary, who sleep in the loft above us, and I went to bed. Coz and Kati were in the other room in Coz's loft, talking. RIght as I was falling asleep... giggling and screaming came from the other room. My thought was, they going to be all rowdy... not so much. The door opens. "Is anyone awake in here" Jessie: "No"... Sarah: "kind of"...Coz and Kati: "THERE'S A DEAD MOUSE IN THE LOFT". So we jump out of bed and run up there... only to be met with the stench of rotting nastiness. Coz thought it was her laundry... but when the smell continuously got worse... she decided to look for something dead. Yup... there it was... in the trap, dead and all. SICK. Jessie... the wonder-outdoors-women of us all took it and threw it outside. So... i guess it's said that where there's one mouse there are probably others... i'm not a fan of that. We did post cabin check today after our guests left and we had to reset mouse traps.... those suckas are stinkin' scary to set.
Anyway, today i went fishing for crawfish in the lake with some kiddos... you know using some plastic cups and what not. We caught two and a fish... and saw a water snake! that was pretty awesome!
Welp... there's my update on life in the woods.

I'm Here!

So i'm finally in Colorado! It could possibly be the most beautiful place i've ever been. The handiwork of God is magnificent... it is so everywhere... but this valley is awesome. I could go on talking about how beautiful it is... but my words or pictures won't do it justice! It's that good friends!
So... let's see. I am already learning a lot. I came out to Colorado... for a few reasons but one of them was to get away from life in California for a while. To remove myself to hear from God. I needed quiet... newness. I came begging God that he would speak to me... and i am still asking the same. I want to hear God this summer... and he is already on the move. I am excited to see how God stretches me, what he teaches me and where he guides me. I've had this vision for a while that I'm in this process... that I've been working through a lot... and God is teaching me and softening my heart to intimacy with him. That he is completing something in me and going to propel me forward. To where? I have no idea...
But i am trying to be faithful and obedient to His voice. That i would remove any hinderances that slow me down from running with everything i have toward Him alone. That nothing would sidetrack me from magnifying and glorifying my Creator. That is my prayer...
I started reading Don't Waste Your Life, by John Piper for this summer. I am being reminded that the glory of God is the main thing. God's greatest passion is to bring glory to himself... not to provide me with an easy life... or bless me... or even love me for that matter... but to make his renown know. My passions should match. To glorify God is why i was created... that my life... every aspect of it would honor and glorify Him. If it isn't... i'm wasting my life.
Sitting in this valley has made it easy for me to see God as exalted. I feel so small... as i am, and should be. That is greatest place i could be. For that... i am thankful that the Lord placed me here this summer. He is going to do amazing things... AMAZING things... i just want to cooperate with his movement in my life and in the lives of the families coming up here!
so.. that's my first 3 days in a nutshell... more to come!! The Lord is Good!! Soooo stinkin good!

Rockin Music Video...

Thoughts?

Wonderful

Last night i was wonderfully reminded how wonderful my family and friends are! Man... it was such a great nite!! I think i wrote about Colorado in my last post... but whatever... im doing it again. I was thinking about how much i'm going to miss people when im gone! It's only 2 and a half months... i can do that! : )
COME VISIT ME! : )

Too Many Thoughts

It's definitely 1:15 am. And I'm wide awake. I'm trying to make my eyes tired by looking at my computer screen! :) haha

So I'm done with finals. Why am i still awake? No need to worry anymore or lose sleep about how I'm not studying enough or what not... I'm stinkin' done! Well... let's see... what is on my mind.

1. Colorado. I'm moving to Colorado in less than a week! Crazy! I'm so excited but at the same time rather nervous. I mean I handle change really well... i know i will love it... but it's the unfamiliarity of everything about going out there! I've never been to Colorado. So simple things like packing details are stressing me out. Why? I don't know. I'm excited to spend some time, quality time, with the Lord this summer. My time at the camp is going to be spent serving the families that come... which is awesome! I know i am going to learn so much while im there! My prayer is that God would break me down and build me back up... more in the likeness of his Son. That i would come back changed. So pray for that too! :) 

2. I didn't get the Hollywood internship. Good thing right... I mean I'm going to Colorado! :) But this truly showed me the hand of God in my life. As much as i wanted the internship in Hollywood... God wanted me elsewhere! Which is awesome, because he gave me the peace and joy about following his lead... wherever that meant. I guess he meant Colorado. :)

3. I'm having to pack up my apartment... knowing full well that when i return in august i will be returning as an RC! Though i am super stoked about this opportunity... i'm unsure of what that exactly looks like! I'm also praying that God would prepare me for that this summer.

4. and lastly... though there is a lot more on my mind. I'm thinking about my Popi and my Nana. My Popi is doing well... but I don't want to miss out on him getting better! Like when i leave, life in California will continue, just without me. I'm scared of missing something huge. Also, my Nana is going through chemo right now... im also scared of missing something huge in her life. Or not being a part of the family who's fighting this alongside her. I don't want to be the one family member who leaves when so much stuff is going on. Though i know this is where God has me for the summer... it's a tension I'm thinking about. 

Hence the lack of sleep! :) Who could sleep with all this nonsense (and more) in their head. Yie... ok... 1:30... maybe i'll try again!! Good nite!

LOVE IT!

I love adventure. Everything about it. Knowing that you on this road, going somewhere, but you have no idea what your next stop is going to be, or what you're going to do!! It's like you're just riding this wave... and you just take it as it comes! Take the turns as they come... and just enjoy the view!! LOVE IT! I mean life is an adventure in itself... but right now im in this wonderful place with the Lord where he's filling my innards with this joy and giddiness and freakin excitement because i have no idea what is going to happen... but i know that the Lord delights in me and he has wonderful, rad, a-freakin-mazing things planned for me! So this summer... i have no idea where i'll be!! And i think this is one of the few times, actually i think there was only one other time, when i didn't have a major, that i was stoked about not having a plan. Usually it's in these times that im scrounging around to get my act together, to make things come together, to make a plan that i'd stick to.  Oh... but not this time!! I couldn't be more child-like... knowing that my Dad has a wonderful adventure ahead of me and i'm just waiting for him to take me there! My Grandpa used to play this game with us when we would travel places with him... we'd be getting antsy in the back seat... and he'd be like, "Hey guys... see that over there..." then we yell, "YEA... is that it!?!?!" and he'd respond, "Nope!! It's better!"... that's where i am! I thought i was going to Hume... i was like... is that it... NOPE. IT'S BETTER. Now i've asked him what about Hollywood, or what about Colorado... or what about.... and he's gonna answer me! And i know it's going to be freakin' awesome!! Now i just sit back and let him drive... checkin out his awesomeness along the way! Oh... my prayer has been that the Lord would pursue me an show me that i'm his beloved... and he went straight to me adventurous side... LOVE IT!!  Boys... if you're reading this... know that i love adventure and no one does it better than my Dad... but you can try if you want! :)

Disciple and Dependence

So... i've been learning a lot lately. Last week was Mission Conference and i went into that time praying that God would speak to me, and that i would hear and do the Word. Though totally side note to the main message, one speaker said: "If you don't awake to praise the Lord, the rest of creation will." That hit me hard. I mean... all of creation awakes at the light of dawn to bless him and reflect back to Him his glory. While i lay unconscious in my bed hung over with slumber and exhaustion, the rest of creation awakens to praise Him. God created me to bring him glory... above any other creation... i should be first to wake and praise Him.
"Lord, i desire to awake to bless you before all other creation does." For He is worthy of my morning, my first thoughts, my first devotions, my first praises.
I was walking around the track on morning, thanking Him for such a wonderful day, for giving my breath and allowing me another day. Then the Lord asked me to depend on him. What? For anyone who knows me... dependence isn't my strongest characteristic.
I'm really good at being independent. It's probably my pride that helps me do it so well... but i'm good at making things work... i've learning that making thing simply "work" doesn't mean they flourish. The Lord asked me to depend on him... for everything. This dependence required me to hand everything over to him. Everything. My mornings, my body, my desires, my hopes, my fears, my time, my money, my future... everything.
Dependence and discipline are new to me. But i desire to be used by God. That means waking early to be with him to declare his goodness in my life... even if i'm tired. That means treating my body as the temple of the Holy Spirit... taking care of it, so that God could use me however he wishes. That means presenting all my desires before the Lord, and having him prune them. That means spending my money as Christ would have me spend it. Filling my mind with the precious Word of God, and taking every thought captive...that my mind would be pleasing before God.
I don't want to be independent anymore. I desire to be completely dependent upon God... and that starts with reversing some pattens in my life. I was reading Isaiah this morning and it said... that God awaits to show mercy. For those who look to him... he is merciful. For that i am so thankful... that he would choose to refine me instead of cast me away into the fire.

Commons

So... maybe you haven't experienced this, but i doubt that.
So you know those regular places you sit... you know to study, or to read, or to do whatever the heck you do regularly? Well... i have one of those. Commonly called Commons. Just a little coffee shop on campus... nothing special. Just some comfy floral chairs and limited electrical plugs for my computer... but you know it does the trick. I'm in there almost everyday... studying or wasting time between my classes, since walking home isn't worth it. Well... i see the same few people every time i go. I haven't figured out if we have similar schedules or whether we're just there all the time... so it would only make sense that we would see each other regularly. But the funny part of this story is... i don't know their names. I mean.... sometimes i eavesdrop on their conversations... even chuckle at their jokes... but i mean... i kinda wish i knew them. If i did... we could sit and waste time together. Well... to those unnamed, familiar faces... let's be friends.

Saturday morning, 5:00 am early morning, i was down on skid row. Setting up for Biola's Steps from Hope event. We had close to 2500 pairs of shoes, and food for 5000 people... and all the inflatable, sugary, entertaining, excitement a kid could hope for. The event was quite the production. We closed down San Pedro between 5th and 6th for an entire afternoon and opened it to the people of LA, offering them food, shoes, and most importantly the hope of Christ. I was blessed to be able to walk about and talk to people during the event. It was then that i met two women, who challenged me. The first was Tracy. As i was sitting talking to a women about her children and the struggle to get a bed in the mission, i noticed Tracy who was wearing a Union Rescue Mission jacket. I stopped her to ask her how one would go about getting a bed. I soon was engaged in a conversation that was beautifully challenging. As the conversation went on... i was describing to her my tension. A tension between desiring to end homeless, but feeling that all the efforts i'm apart of only fulfill a temporary need. Proving a lunch, and pair of shoes may bless someone for a day, or a week, or even a month, but what is that doing to help them in the long run? A warm bed in a shelter may comfort them from the chills of the night, or the dangers of the street, but how is that helping them in the long run? I asked her... what needs to be done to get people off the streets for good? She told me discipleship. What? Yes, she said... the families of the church need to be willing to take in the homeless, provide them a place to live, the opportunity for job placement, and the training up in the Lord necessary found strongly in the fellowship of believers. Just like the church should act. If i am going to disciple the younger generation to grow up to to be Godly men and women, i should be willing to do the same for the homeless people who would have no other chance otherwise. What a thought! If the church acted as it was intended to... to love and serve and commit to people the way Christ did... it would help heal many of our world's problems. 

The second lady i talked to was Wanda. Wanda was sweet. A beautiful women who desperately loved her children. He daughters were taken away from her because of her  drug addiction. Wanda needed someone to talk to . Someone to listen and show concern for her. Can you imagine living a life fending for yourself... all the time. I cannot imagine the loneliness she must feel. She begged me to pray for her, and for her daughters... that  she would get to see them, and that Satan would be far from her in her battle to remain clean. She needed more than lunch, or new shoes... she needed to know someone cared... something eternal. 

So now im stuck. Though my time on skid row was beautiful... as like  every time I'm down there. I know that the greatest thing the people down there need is the good grace of Jesus Christ and the hope of salvation that he offers... but i also know that they desperately need food, and clothes, and shoes, and homes, jobs, medical attention,  counseling, school, protection, ohh... and so much more. How does the church tackle such a task? How do we heal the wounds of these people, not simply provide temporary relief?

It sickens me that i live in the greatest, wealthiest city in the nation, with the greatest and most destitute homeless population in the nation. It sickens me that children are being born and raised in back allies where they are forced to grow up in world that most adults wouldn't even dare to venture. Something horribly wrong is going on... but how do i go about being the change i desire? It seems to big. At least for me that is. Nothing is too big for my LORD. You know the same one who raised men from the dead. Calmed the sea with his words. You know... the Creator and Sustainer of the universe?

 I want a movement... what if the local church committed to ending homelessness. What if Skid Row was abolished? It's a huge task... but i fully believe that God blesses our meager attempts to do something big... because it's when we fail to make ends meet, or fail all together that he gets to intervene and show up powerfully... for it's then that his glory is manifested. 

Alright Lord... whatever you want... count me in. I'm willing. It's huge... but is any generation has the means to make this happen... we do. I can't be settle knowing that as i go to sleep in my bed tonight... families are settling into their weathered boxes... 

Oh ResLife

This morning i found out that i am going to be a Resident Coordinator in Thompson hall at Biola!! Who would have thought? The small desire of my heart from years ago, the one i pushed away because i never thought i could have it... is here. It's real... and i am so excited! I'm excited first to be back on campus. Oh... how i've missed campus life! And secondly... im excited to be back in a place surrounded by women who i can pour my life into. Oh... the position of RA awakened the parts of my heart that love to be with women, to share life with them, to guide and encourage them, and to have fun doing the crazy things college allows! So this next year... i'm back! Oh, that God would choose me to serve my community in such a way!! Such a privilege...and im so excited! I am going to miss my kitchen... and my living room. But we'll work that out!! :)

Yay for ResLife!

Lord

I was struck this weekend with the idea of God's Lordship over my life. I don't doubt that it's the sustenance by which i have breath and life and being, but i wonder if i attribute, to the degree He's due, all of that to Him. As this Passion weekend crept up on me, i found myself assigned to write a creed on the character of God. Who exactly is the God I serve? What is his character? So I sat in a coffee shop for hours on end mending and perfecting my condensed, concise, comprehensive, yet inexhaustible description of the God i serve; scared that i would omit something crucial, and that if an unbeliever read my statement they would get a picture of a God... maybe of the one i serve, but not the one of the Bible. I didn't want to put him in a box. I wanted his glory, a beautiful manifestation of his character, to shine through my creed. But what i painfully omitted was his Lordship. That his is ruler of everything, every detail, and has complete control. Not that i intentionally forgot, but it wasn't something on the forefront of my mind. So i asked myself, how could you forget something so crucial, so essential to the character of God. My answer has to be that maybe i'm not accepting it in my life. As much as i agree with it as i read in Grudem or when I'm in discussion, unless it is actively worked out in my life, it is meaningless to me. So as i sat in the Good Friday service, and even in chapel on wednesday, i was reminded that my Lord took on human flesh, and it was my sin that drove him to the cross. It was my pride, my lust, my envy, my hate, my jealousy, ill intentions, lies, idols, my self-everything....that spat upon his face, that mocked his Royalty, that beat him blue, that nailed him to a tree. How could my Lord die for me? Why? My masks temporarily hide my self-righteousness, but i am dirty and unworthy. Why me? But as i sat there taking all of this in... i realized that the Lordship of Christ wasn't lost on that Good Friday, but rather it was in perfect sync. Though it seemed as if he were defeated, it was all a part of his divine plan. He was awaiting Sunday. Sunday is where hope is found... true hope. Hope that the Lordship of Christ means what he says it does. That His promises are true. His Word is true. What He tells me is trustworthy. That his is orchestrating every detail to perfection. His perfect Lordship over humanity and creation... even in the small workings of my life are true and good. Whether i choose to acknowledge it or not. God is working out the details of my life... whether i choose to accept him as Lord over them is a choice i have to make. Christ raised from the dead. He rose victoriously to defeat the sting of death and reigns as Lord. He is all powerful, all-mighty, all knowing, and all good... so why wouldn't i desire his Lordship? Fear. Fear that even though he's provided everything, that he'll miss the minor details. But today... Sunday... i was joyously reminded that the tomb was empty. He did exactly what he said he was going to do to the utmost perfection. His plan, though it seemed thwarted, was left unchanged. The empty tomb has relinquished all fear. Christ is risen. He is alive. Defeated the sting of death and the fear of abandon. He is Lord. He is in control... of creation... and the small details of my life. Though i question him at times... proclaiming the Lordship of Christ over my life means acknowledging that without him i am nothing and that He provides the clarity, and guidance, and provision that i need. He is Lord...

Maybe Ill Write a Book

I think i want to write a book. I'm not sure about what yet... but ill be sitting in class or chapel, or driving down the road, or out an about running... random things like that... and i'll have sudden ideas of things to write about. Things about God, suffering, beauty, peace, joy, sin, love... and how those things play out in the rawness of life-- every moment of it.
Not that i have time to write a book... but maybe ill start a journal with all my ideas...
Well... small thought... it's late!

WWWWOOOOOWWWW.

Today, again, i was reminded just how small i am. I took my roommates to Griffith Park
today... up to the Observatory... and it was amazing. There's something about being up there that i'm falling in love with. When i stand up there looking out at how big everything is... and then realize that this is but a tiny chunk of God's grand creation... i am reminded just how small i am. How small i am, and how wonderfully big God is. Last week when i went up there for the first time i told my friend that i wanted to wonder at the work of God's hand, and being up there gave me that wonder. Today as i was sitting up there on the roof, looking east up at the snow capped mountains... a little kid pulled himself up onto the ledge to see and with all the wonder in the heart of a 4 year old yelled "WWWWOOOOWWW". That brother yelled with everything he had what was stuck in the composure of my heart. I thought that same thing... but the wonder of a kid made it known to the world just how cool it was to look out at something sooo sweet! I want that kind of wonder. That i could look out and with everything i got tell God just how spectacular it really is! You know... not even to do such only standing on the mountain top, but in the everyday moments that God shows up!
There's something powerful about realizing how small i am. It reminds me that i am but a small part in the story of God's HUGE redemptive plan.... and how my God wants to ravish me with his love. That i play a part in his story, a small one, but a mighty one.
I also realize how small the trials of my life really are. When you look out at millions of people, in such a hurting city, you realize that the things you're dealing with are small in the grand scheme of things. But even so... God has every detail of my life, and the lives of millions other under control. He knows the pains, ailments, trials, temptations, and worries of every one of us and it hurts him to see it all. God is mighty... and nothing in this world could get in the way of him pouring out His love on us!
Being up there was wonderful. The wonder i have in the enormousness of God... it's life breathing.
"In all these things we are more than conquers through him who loved us. For i am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor power, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:37-39

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair, persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies." 2 Cor. 4:7-12

Scared Part 2.

So... i still don't know. I won't know more until March 3ish. Which is good because as of now it isn't pressing, but still who knows what i'll found out then. So if you think about it... pray that God would heal if there is anything that needs healing and two pray that my mind would refrain from wandering... right now it's all over the place!
I know that God is good... and that his power is made perfect in my weakness. So in the weakness of my flesh i stand... and God is showing up with grace sufficient enough for me.

Scared.

Sometimes not knowing feels a whole lot safer than knowing. You know what i mean. Like there's familiarity and safety in not knowing but also something horribly terrifying in finding out. But at the same time, there's that constant uneasiness in the pit of your stomach because all you want to do is know what's going on.
Oh, my head is all over the board right now.

I gottch you girl...

So my power adapter to my computer made a sizzling noise last night... and then smelt of burning computer. Not good. And then the battery in my computer died like 2 minutes later. Also not good. Especially because i was right in the middle of Step Up... no bueno.
So... today i went to the Apple Store to first see if my computer was still alive and secondly to buy another power cord. I knew that the power cord would be pricey, and who knows how much it was going to cost to fix my computer if it actually fried the sucka. So i went, praying that God would provide... praying for a quick, smooth, cheap trip to the Brea Mall.
The kind man at the Genius Bar agreed that the sizzling sound coming from my computer wasn't a good one and that i definately needed a new power cord. Well while i was waiting for my appointment i checked out the price of that sucka and it was 79 stinkin bucks! I already knew that i couldn't afford that. So when he handed me the power cord, i was about to tell him that i'd have to find another option because i didn't have the money for that.
Well... no need for that because the kind man just gave it to me. Yes that's right, he gave me, free of charge, a 79$ power cord. I was amazed... but you know the Lord takes care of me. Even in the small things of providing a stinkin' power cord. No need to worry... my Dad's got the tab... he's got my back. Just when i thought i'd need to do it on my own... he was like ... girl i got you.... stop worrying! :)
Amazing.

July 6th Changed My Life

Tonight i was looking through my iPhoto library and i saw some pictures that almost brought my to tears. So let me flesh out my heart for a moment.
July 5th i sat on the porch of my cabin up at Jr. High camp with my best friend. I turned to her and told her that i thought that change was coming. I didn't know what, or what it means but i had a divine sense that something was going to be changing in my life. My heart immediatly thought of a school change, or i was going to move somewhere, or i would find out something. But it was something much bigger. God has on his mind something grander and harder than i ever could have imagined. July 6th i packed up my cabin and travedl back down the mountain, challenged to glory in God even in the rough seasons of my life. But my life was pretty safe at that moment so i dind't exactly know what to do with that. I went home, showered , slept and went out to eat with my fellow camp leaders. I retunred home that night only to receive the worst news of my life. My mom answered the phone and she got really quite. And i knew something was wrong. "Is he alive?" she asked, and the pit of my heart and stomach gave way. I didn't know what happened but i knew that it wasn't good. And in that moment i knew why i was up at camp. I was up there to be prepared for the jounrey ahead of me. One that would radically change my life and the lives of evey member in my family. I now knew why i would need Glory in the power of Christ during the hard times of my life, because the hard times were right upon me. These past 7 months have probably been the hardest yet the greatest months of my life. The Lord took me to hard times and told me: " Sarah, you life is safe right now. You need to learn to love me, and worship me even if times are hard. I will prove myself faithful, you mustn't keep quiet. Tell everyone you know, for in the hardship of your life, my name will receive glory." The story of my dad is one of miracles and a manifestation of God's beautiful, gracious, faithful hand. It's one that turns people toward Christ whether they know it or not.
Here are a few miracles along the way beacause hearing about God's goodness is worship.
- God spared my dad's life.
- God allowed for my dad to leave the hospital for a day to see the man he mentored be baptized
- God moved him into one of the world's best rehabilitation hospitals
- God allowed my Popi to walk Sharon down the isle at her wedding
- God moved my Aunt Joyce toward Christ through his hardship and my Popi's faith
- God healed my dad from his second surgery and healed his mind from the effects of his seizures

God is good all the time. All the time he is good. This journey is still in progress... and it will continue as my dad still is in rehab, and continuing to heal... and who knows what is ahead for our family. I don't know what tomprrow holds. I don't know if my dad will go back to work. I don't know if my Popi will ever be the same Popi as i had... but what i do know, and i pray that i will continue to trust, is that God will do what is best for my family. And in that, whether good or bad, i know that God is present in the moments.... even if it is confusing, or hard, or challenging.
Through it all, God has showed up in a real way. Powerful and mighty. I tell everyone this, but the story of my dad is hard to tell. But i tell everyone i know, because of the hardship of it, and the glory of God in the midst of it all will bring people to worship God... and that's what life is all about. I want people to worship God, and if people need to see my family go through this trial relying upon the grace of God to get through, to worhsip God, then so be it. God is worthy of that.

It finally hit me...

I was talking with a friend this weekend. I told him that i wanted and need to figure out who i was. You know the things that make Sarah...me. I needed to figure out what it is that makes me tick. The things that im passionate about, the things that break my heart, the things that make me laugh and cry, the people i want in my life, the people i don't. The places i want to go, the person i want to be, the things i want to accomplish. You know, just figure out who i desire to be and how im going to get there. Figure out a way to be someone extraordinary.
But extraordinary people know who they are. They know what they want, where they want to go, who they want to go along with, and what they want to do when they get there. I've felt as if all i needed was just figure out who i was before i was really me. You know?
With every fiber of my being i desire to live an extraordinary life, one that points such a dark, dark world toward the radiant light of Jesus Christ's face. I want to love more, care more deeply, give away more freely... i desire to be something so much bigger than i am right now. But my one desire to make something of Christ, was shadowed by my desire to make something of myself.
Until chapel this morning.
I stood there pouring my heart out to God, telling him that He is my all and all. That He makes me whole, that His cloak of righteousness upon my shoulders makes me complete before Him, that his crimson stain washed and continues to wash away the vile parts of my being. That He was mighty to save and all I really need. There i stood convicted for thinking that i could have ever possibly work harder, tried craftier, preservered longer, toward making myself into the women i thought he wanted me to be. For ever thinking that figuring out who i was ever included me looking at myself in the mirror.
Who i am, and all that Christ desires for me to be lies in the reflection of the cross. Through his blood, and his empty tomb am im worth anything. It isn't about who i desire to be, but who God created me to be.
When Christ looks at me he sees me as complete. He sees me washed clean because of the blood of his son covering me. He sees me for who i really am. Though washed clean, still in desperate need of a Savior by the minute. He knows the dark, inner thoughts of my mind, the masked intentions of my heart, the selfish deeds of my hands. He knows that i fall. That i fail to meet up. That im slow to learn but quick to act. That i lack faith, and love, and obedience. He knows that i try. That i desire for more. That all i want to do it honor Him. But he also knows that my first inclination, when things get tough, is to take it all into my hands. There i have control. Even if i regret the outcome, i am complacent with the familiarity of how things turn out when i take over.
Who i was created to be isn't measured by the things of my personality, but rather by the depth of my character. Christ desires that i live in the fullness of what it means to be created in the image of God. I was created to think how God thinks, love the things He loves, and hate the things He hates.
Once again, i'm learning that it's not about me. It's in the moment that i look myself in the mirror and conceive of a plan to be more beautiful, more likable, desirable, intelligible, ... that i loose sight of who God is making me to be. God created me to mirror the image of Christ. To again think like He thinks, see people how he sees them, care about the things He cares about and fight for the things He fights for.
Discovering who i was created to be is a process, as my friend reminded me. I wont have it all figured out, until i stand face to face with God and he he says " Yea, you're a knucklehead, but girl, i died for you. You're exactly who i desired to create when i formed you. Complete. Just as i intended. Covered in my son's very blood. Without blemish. Well done good and faithful."
I'm living my life in light of that from this moment forward.