Disciple and Dependence

So... i've been learning a lot lately. Last week was Mission Conference and i went into that time praying that God would speak to me, and that i would hear and do the Word. Though totally side note to the main message, one speaker said: "If you don't awake to praise the Lord, the rest of creation will." That hit me hard. I mean... all of creation awakes at the light of dawn to bless him and reflect back to Him his glory. While i lay unconscious in my bed hung over with slumber and exhaustion, the rest of creation awakens to praise Him. God created me to bring him glory... above any other creation... i should be first to wake and praise Him.
"Lord, i desire to awake to bless you before all other creation does." For He is worthy of my morning, my first thoughts, my first devotions, my first praises.
I was walking around the track on morning, thanking Him for such a wonderful day, for giving my breath and allowing me another day. Then the Lord asked me to depend on him. What? For anyone who knows me... dependence isn't my strongest characteristic.
I'm really good at being independent. It's probably my pride that helps me do it so well... but i'm good at making things work... i've learning that making thing simply "work" doesn't mean they flourish. The Lord asked me to depend on him... for everything. This dependence required me to hand everything over to him. Everything. My mornings, my body, my desires, my hopes, my fears, my time, my money, my future... everything.
Dependence and discipline are new to me. But i desire to be used by God. That means waking early to be with him to declare his goodness in my life... even if i'm tired. That means treating my body as the temple of the Holy Spirit... taking care of it, so that God could use me however he wishes. That means presenting all my desires before the Lord, and having him prune them. That means spending my money as Christ would have me spend it. Filling my mind with the precious Word of God, and taking every thought captive...that my mind would be pleasing before God.
I don't want to be independent anymore. I desire to be completely dependent upon God... and that starts with reversing some pattens in my life. I was reading Isaiah this morning and it said... that God awaits to show mercy. For those who look to him... he is merciful. For that i am so thankful... that he would choose to refine me instead of cast me away into the fire.